


Knowing

by infinite_regress



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Character Analysis, F/M, Fluff, Introspection, Romance, hurt comfort, whouffaldi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 06:26:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11868552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinite_regress/pseuds/infinite_regress
Summary: He suspects she already knows.





	Knowing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [UniverseOnHerShoulders](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UniverseOnHerShoulders/gifts).



She’s so bright, some nights he thinks she’ll blind him. Underneath, he knows she an ordinary girl, woman now, because she’s grown so much since the first day he sat and guarded her window. An ordinary human, extraordinary nonetheless. Full of heart. His teacher. That’s Clara, complicated, unyielding, brave to a fault. Braver than she should be, sometimes. She’s growing reckless. How did that happen? 

He knows how it happened, of course. He sees himself in her eyes, and when they pause between adventures, he thinks she knows it too. They are so alike it’s dangerous, he knows its not good, but he doesn’t want it to end. He’s had enough of endings, he’s thoroughly sick of losing people, and to lose her might just end him. Send him spiraling into a dark place, where no one is safe. He knows this, and being fully aware of it makes him complicit. He should stop, send her home, find another bright and shining companion, one he can nurture and care for, but not adore with such hopeless longing. 

Perhaps he will be the teacher next time. 

But Clara, she’s like an addiction. Every time he thinks of stopping he gets a hot, queasy feeling in his gut. One more Wednesday. Just another month. Then years have gone past and she’s burning just as brightly and he’s more lost in her than ever. 

How long has it been this time, he wonders, as she steps back into his orbit with her phone in her hand. She chases him around the TARDIS to get his attention, and he realises by the way he says ridiculous things that it has been too long. Finally, he admits it.

“I’ve missed you, Clara Oswald.” 

Those words sneak out. Surely she knows he misses her? He shouldn’t have to say, and he usually doesn’t, but somehow he wants to tell her that things don’t fit together right when she’s not around. But this is all he can manage, and perhaps it’s enough, because she hovers for a moment behind him, and then clasps her arms full around him. He lets himself relax, because this is not the first time she’s held him this way, in this strange, crabs-like hug, grasping him sideways, engulfing him with her short arms. He can see just enough or her face to know she is smiling. 

“Don’t worry, you daft old man. I’m not going anywhere.” 

They both know it’s not true.

He presses his lips together and pats her hand, and does a hundred little other things that he thinks will please her. Takes her 101 places and more, while the clock is ticking, and they never look back and they never stop. 

He’ll tell her, one day, that she’s his brightest star, that she broke through that awkward, prickly layer he wrapped himself in at the beginning. She showed him how to be a better version of himself. Clara made him. He’s comfortable in his own skin now. She told him not to change, gave him a directive, and he’ll follow it. He’s done changing, because it’s too hard to contemplate letting all she’s given him go.

“You seem sad,” she offers.

I am sadness, he thinks, but he doesn’t say that. “Me, sad? I’m never sad. Let’s hover the TARDIS at the edge of the Dohari Supernova. Then we can visit the crystal caves of Kastelel 3.”

He suspects she doesn’t believe him, but she's lets that pass, and he sees the sparkle in her eyes already. She’s so bright, maybe she’ll dazzle him and, one day he’ll be caught off guard and tell her what’s in his hearts. But he suspects she already knows.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I'm done squeezing your hearts this month. I must get my head back in other projects. X   
> You can thank UohS for this. Challenge me like that and it ends in something like this.


End file.
